In which panic sets in

Before moving to Australia, I never really suffered from the overwhelming. Life was simple (although of course it didn’t seem so then); I rarely had to make important decisions, let alone life changing ones. In fact, my biggest dilemma was which friends to see on the weekend and where, and whether to blow my paychecks on books or bubbles.

I had a job that I adored; Family and friends close by, and never once had to navigate through the complexities and legality of visas, expiration dates and immigration laws that have shaped my time since moving down under. The last year has been one of unexpected and extensive trips. I lived in Bali and LA for three months. The latter with my boyfriend and was lucky enough to visit friends and family back home in the UK three times. After countless air travel, passport stamps and tourist visas, however, I hoped for 2018 that it would be a quiet and stable year.

Unfortunately it has been anything but. And so I am now in the early morning hours – the sky outside is still dark; inside, in my apartment it is still and quiet, but for the hum of my fan – full of panic. If everything goes according to plan, I can finally go back to work in a fortnight and start my job search with all my might. Much like four years ago when I was training for the London Marathon, although the end is near, it feels so hopelessly far away.

Various factors have brought me to where I am now – less than two weeks prior to filing a visa with an application barely launched and a half-packed room surrounded by boxes of books and random paraphernalia with little or no substance; and almost definitely of no use.

My roommate – a great friend from London who I moved in with shortly after arriving in Sydney at the end of December – made the decision to return to London a few weeks ago. That the date I had to move out of our apartment coincided with the date of my visa submission was just a case of bad luck, but the hassle of finding a new apartment, packing my room and moving for the second time in seven weeks combined With a sick and older grandpa at home – something that makes me wonder if I still want to live so far away from my loved ones – my defacto application has taken a metaphorical back seat.

And of course, as a lifelong procrastinator, instead of spending those wee hours of the morning working on this application, I decided instead to write about the panic I feel each time it opens and try to fill in the necessary information to confirm my relationship .

Being an expat can be a difficult and lonely life decision at times. Moving to Australia has bought inexpressible joys and blessings. My friends here are like family and I count my lucky stars every day when I live in such a beautiful country. However, it has also brought more trials and difficulties than I was ever used to before; We hope this dreaded visa filing will be the last for a long time.

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